American Wing Nut Party - feel free to use this logo, but it must ALWAYS be placed to the RIGHT of any text.

At a special fundraising meeting of the AWNP in Gonads, billionaire Daffy Krotch announced a deal with the FDA to end cancer. When those lefty big-city reporters got wind of this they were so damned sure it was some kind of a scam that they came right on down here. You can be damned sure they didn’t get much of a welcome. But I digress [lw: like that word?... if you don't know what it means, you can look it up].

One of them got into the meeting somehow and shot a nasty, biased question to Mr. Krotch [lw:ya gotta call him mister or he'll have somebody cut your balls off].

Reporter: “Hey Daffy! Did one of your companies actually come up with a cure for cancer?”

Mr. Krotch: “Better than that, and I’ll be happy to tell these good people about it as soon as my security team escorts your ass out of here.”

After a bit of a scuffle, twenty-six former WKAO* regional semi-finalists carted that reporter right on out of the building.

Mr. Krotch: “No, we didn’t come up with a cure. We did something even better. Cancer no longer exists, in fact it never existed. A new official cancer doctrine to be released later this week states…”

Courtesy: Banco de Puerco

At this point, since Mr. Krotch has always been too busy sellin’ apples and makin’ money to learn how to read, a Krotch SpokesBabe, borrowed from Vik at Banco de Puerco [lw: not too bad lookin' either] come up to the microphone and read from a slip of paper.

SpokesBabe: “The guvmint agencies that control eveything about American health [you notice she said control, not a damned thing about care] have determined that any product, by product, waste discharge, or other general flatulence that generally makes Mr. Krotch and his brother money CANNOT cause cancer. Therefore within sixty days of this announcement, cancer and those nasty lefty lies called carcinogens will cease to exist in Am…”

Scream from outside: “My balls!!!!!”

SpokesBabe: “erica…”

Welp, there y’all have it.

Gonads pinky-swear.

*World Kick-Ass Organization

SpokesBabe image licensed to BdP through BigStockphoto.com