(ANS) Special to the Gonads Holler by Lem Willertree

We’re still a coupla months from 2012 and the GOR already has over a dozen candidates for president. Some of ‘em are supported by the AWNP, others by the PNCP (but not many, maybe one), and too many others have no damned support at all — Willamae Bisonpharter, from right here in Gonads and the newest of the distaff candidates, really needs a lot more support than she’s got for them 53EEEs. [ed: distaff is one of them fancy educated words for womenfolk] Thing is, the support is what this new brewhaha is all about.

The GWATFM are getting tired as hell of paying out to candidates anyway, but the they usually will contribute to three or four every election just to hedge themselves. Well, they sat down at one of those summits (not somethin’ we see a lot of in Gonads – we thought they were parts of a mountain) a couple a days ago and came up with an ultimatum for the GOR. They either have to cut back to four or five candidates or lose all the contribution money.

“We’re willing to pay a reasonable amount to buy this election,” said GWATFM president William Q.F.A “Big Willie” DuMont. “But having to come up with a million or two a piece for twenty guys — and girls — is ridiculous. We’ve got a put a stop to all these politicians who think they’re damned well worth as much as we are.”

The solution, as proposed by NHENA, is a little hunting trip for all the candidates. Four candidates, drawn at random (and prioritized by corporate-friendly voting record) will be allowed to wear them bright orange vests. The rest, will have to wear fur suits and pink tutus. Any body shooting at somebody in an orange vest will be immediately disqualified.

[Editor's note: We know it's really spelled "brouhaha" but what the hell's the fun it that?

PS. Here are the meanin's of some of them bunches-a-letters-put-together things. If y'all don't already know 'em maybe your not of the right persuasion to be a citizen of Gonads.

 AWNP - American Wing Nut Party (Tea drinkin' is for sissies)
GOR - Guys (or gals) On the Right
GWATFM - Guys (or gals) With All the F**king Money
NHENA - National High Explosive and Nukes Association ]